Small Deeds Matter

On Valentine’s Day we often ramp up our intentional thoughts to gift someone we love something special. I want to point out one of my all-time favourite quotes, The Smallest Good Deed Is Better Than The Grandest Good Intention J. Burroughs

I’ve discovered that the most memorable moments are often born from the tiniest acts of kindness and I try my hardest to do them as often as I can not just on Valentine’s Day. A simple smile or “thank you” can brighten someone’s day, and a small favor can create a ripple effect of positivity.

One instance of a small gesture that stands out for me is when a student told me I had saved her life. I did not know the student, but she said I smiled at her every day in the hallway, and if not for that she was thinking about ending her life. The gesture was small, but the impact was immeasurable and I have never forgotten the moment she shared her story with me. It made me look at myself and what I do. As a result, I try as often as I can to do one small thing that I hope makes a difference for another human being.

Waiting for the perfect moment to do some grand gesture might never arrive. So start now … start today. Tell someone the difference they make in your life. You can send them a digital reminder. Feel free to download the pic below.

Here are a few things to keep in mind about relationships that might help you based on John Gottman’s approach:

1. The Magic Ratio:

   • Dr. Gottman talks about the importance of a 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio. Are you practicing this interaction in all your relationships?

2. Emotional Bank Account:

   • Think of your connections like a bank account, says Dr. Gottman. Regular deposits of emotional support build strong foundations. When and how often are you making deposits?

3. The Four Horsemen:

   • Watch out for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, warns Dr. Gottman. How are you paying attention to these in your relationships?

4. Turning Towards Bids:

   • Bids for connection are like little invitations to intimacy. Respond positively to these bids. How often are you making these bids?

5. The Love Map:

   • Dr. Gottman encourages building a detailed “love map” of your partner. Knowing your partner’s world intimately fosters a deep connection. Have you made a love map?

6. Repair Attempts:

   • In every relationship, hiccups happen. Repair attempts are the remedy. Take time to apologize, make amends, and keep the connection intact. Who do you need to make repairs with today?

7. Nurturing Fondness and Admiration:

   • Admire your partner’s or friends’ qualities; express fondness, Dr. Gottman advises. It’s like watering a plant; love in all relationships blossoms with care and attention. Who can you express fondness with today?

8. Dreams Within Conflict:

   • Even conflicts have dreams and aspirations buried within, says Dr. Gottman. Unearth those dreams together for a richer understanding.

9. Shared Meaning:

   • Relationships thrive on shared rituals and meanings. Create rituals in your life that matter to you and those you love.

10. Small Moments, Big Impact:

    • I agree with Dr. Gottman, that small moments matter the most. Cherish the everyday connections; they make a difference for you and those you care about. Check out The Small Things Often Podcast.

    
    

So go ahead not just in your love relationships, but in your day-to-day connections with people take the time to find ways to do a small good deed. You will be glad you did.

• Leave an extra tip.

• Tell the manager their employee is doing a great job.

• Buy a lotto ticket for someone for no reason.

• Send a message, postcard, or letter telling someone how much you appreciate them.

• Offer to help an elderly person do something.

• Spend more time with those you love.

  
  

Live More … Laugh More …Love More … Be More intentional in your small deeds.

10 Ways To Be Your Own Valentine: Self-Care and Self-Love Tips

Valentine’s Day is typically associated with romance and couples. But what about those who prefer to celebrate in an unconventional way or perhaps not at all? There’s no rule saying you have to stick to the norm. Here are 10 Ways To Be Your Own Valentine: Self-Care and Self-Love Tips.

1. Why not celebrate the most important person in your life – you? Use this day to treat yourself. Have a spa day, go shopping, read a book, or watch your favourite movie. Give yourself the love and attention you deserve. Try leaving positive affirmations on your mirrors or on your fridge. They can be little love notes to yourself.

2. Who says Valentine’s Day is only for couples? Organize a get-together with your friends. Connect and put away those phones. Play games, have a movie marathon, or just chat and enjoy each other’s company. Call an old friend and reconnect. Friends just make the world a better place. Write a note, postcard, or letter to your friend telling them how they have made a difference in your life.

   
   

3. Do something daring and exciting. Go hiking, go for a walk, discover new places and things, try a new sport, and remember to invite a friend. The adrenaline rush will make it a day to remember.

   
   

4. Spread the love by volunteering. Helping others can be a rewarding way to spend the day.

   
   

5. Take a class or workshop in something you’ve always wanted to learn. It could be painting, coding, cooking, or anything that interests you.

   
   

6. If you have pets, spend time being silly with them or take them for a nice stroll. They provide unconditional love and deserve to be celebrated too.

   
   

7. Escape the city and spend the day in nature. Go to the mountains or for a long walk in a park or simply enjoy the tranquillity.

   
   

8. Hit the gym or go for a walk or run. Physical activity releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone, and will make you feel great.

   
   

9. Get creative and make something from scratch. It could be a piece of furniture, a painting, a card, a digital scrapbook or a home decoration.

   
   

10. Counsellor Talk Visit a counsellor or therapist. Discuss your feelings, fears, or anything that’s on your mind. It’s a great way to take care of your mental health.

Remember, whether you’re single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is what you make of it. So why not make it a day that celebrates you and the things you love?

Seize The Moments

As I age I don’t enjoy life any less, but I am ever reminded to seize the moments as life is short. Yes, we all know that, but do we really do it. As a counsellor it is even more important to do so. I consciously attempt to seize as many moments as possible. It’s so easy to let the moments slip by, so I often get up early to enjoy the sunrise, just sitting and enjoying the moments.

I almost always start my day off by going for a walk , sometimes even before I eat. There are times I don’t feel like it , but I always feel better afterwards. The fresh air, the time to reflect and think about my day all are invaluable. Sometimes some of my most creative ideas come from these walks.

I love spending time with friends like my dear friend Helen where we have these , “Stop Right Here” moments, Moments we love to just turn around in our car to catch a moment we might not have otherwise or to take in the beauty that we take for granted. We spend a day stopping wherever we want discovering new adventures or places we have never seen before.

Speaking of friends, what about those girlfriend weekends where you celebrate your friendships. There can never be enough of those.

Or the special let’s just sit around the table forever and laugh and reminisce or talk about what is important in each other’s lives. I love those moments and memories.

So just for today , be intentional about seizing your moments wherever and however you can.