As Valentine’s Day approaches we often ramp up our intentional thoughts to gift someone we love something special. I want to point out one of my all-time favourite quotes,
The Smallest Good Deed Is Better Than The Grandest Good Intention
J Burroughs
I’ve discovered that the most memorable moments are often born from the tiniest acts of kindness and I try my hardest to do them as often as I can not just on Valentine’s Day. A simple smile or “thank you” can brighten someone’s day, and a small favor can create a ripple effect of positivity.
One instance of a small gesture that stands out for me is when a student told me I had saved her life. I did not know the student, but she said I smiled at her every day in the hallway, and if not for that she was thinking about ending her life. The gesture was small, but the impact was immeasurable and I have never forgotten the moment she shared her story with me. It made me look at myself and what I do. As a result, I try as often as I can to do one small thing that I hope makes a difference for another human being.
Waiting for the perfect moment to do some grand gesture might never arrive. So start now … start today. Tell someone the difference they make in your life. You can send them a digital reminder.
Here are a few things to keep in mind about relationships that might help you based on John Gottman’s approach:
- The Magic Ratio:
- Dr. Gottman talks about the importance of a 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio. Are you practicing this interaction in all your relationships?
- Emotional Bank Account:
- Think of your connections like a bank account, says Dr. Gottman. Regular deposits of emotional support build strong foundations. When and how often are you making deposits?
- The Four Horsemen:
- Watch out for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, warns Dr. Gottman. How are you paying attention to these in your relationships?
- Turning Towards Bids:
- Bids for connection are like little invitations to intimacy. Respond positively to these bids. How often are you making these bids?
- The Love Map:
- Dr. Gottman encourages building a detailed “love map” of your partner. Knowing your partner’s world intimately fosters a deep connection. Have you made a love map?
- Repair Attempts:
- In every relationship, hiccups happen. Repair attempts are the remedy. Take time to apologize, make amends, and keep the connection intact. Who do you need to make repairs with today?
- Nurturing Fondness and Admiration:
- Admire your partner’s or friends’ qualities; express fondness, Dr. Gottman advises. It’s like watering a plant; love in all relationships blossoms with care and attention. Who can you express fondness with today?
- Dreams Within Conflict:
- Even conflicts have dreams and aspirations buried within, says Dr. Gottman. Unearth those dreams together for a richer understanding.
- Shared Meaning:
- Relationships thrive on shared rituals and meanings. Create rituals in your life that matter to you and those you love.
- Small Moments, Big Impact:
- I agree with Dr. Gottman, that small moments matter the most. Cherish the everyday connections; they make a difference for you and those you care about. Check out The Small Things Often Podcast.
So go ahead not just in your love relationships, but in your day-to-day connections with people take the time to find ways to do a small good deed. You will be glad you did.
- Leave an extra tip.
- Tell the manager their employee is doing a great job.
- Buy a lotto ticket for someone for no reason.
- Send a message, postcard, or letter telling someone how much you appreciate them.
- Offer to help an elderly person do something.
- Spend more time with those you love.
Live More … Laugh More …Love More … Be More intentional in your small deeds starting today.
Counsellor Talk : Creative Collaborative Connections 