Pillars of Mental Strength

In life, we often encounter ups and downs that can challenge our mental fortitude. It is during these times that our mental strength comes into play. The ability to navigate through life’s challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and stay focused on our goals isn’t always easy.

It’s not about ignoring feelings or suppressing emotions, but about developing a helpful set of skills and attitudes that can help us manage our thoughts, regulate our emotions, and behave productively even in the face of adversity.

Four key pillars of mental strength that could be helpful to you are self-awareness, optimism, adaptability, and resilience.

Self-awareness involves understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. It means being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and how they might be affecting your life. We could all use a little self-awareness and reflection. Journaling is one way to become more self-aware and our book, Counsellor Talk offers you an opportunity to dig deep and explore your thoughts and feelings. Self-awareness is the first step in building mental strength because, without this awareness, it’s difficult to identify areas of improvement. When we understand our strengths, we can leverage them to our advantage. Staying focused on our strengths is so important. When we understand our weaknesses, we can work on improving them. When we understand our triggers, we can develop strategies to manage them.

Optimism, the second pillar involves maintaining a hopeful outlook even in challenging situations. Optimism doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of your situation, but rather choosing to focus on the most hopeful aspects. It’s about expecting the best possible outcome and viewing the glass as half full rather than half empty. I believe there are some genetic aspects to optimism, however it is a skill that can be learned. Research shows that optimistic individuals are more likely to persevere in the face of adversity, have better health outcomes, and live longer lives. By developing a positive mindset, we can enhance our overall well-being.

Adaptability, the third pillar of mental strength means being able to embrace change and adjust strategies when needed. Life is definitely unpredictable and the ability to adapt to new situations or changes is crucial in building mental strength. Adaptable individuals can adjust their thinking and behaviour to meet the demands of different situations. They are open to new ideas, willing to take risks, and able to learn from their experiences. By being adaptable, we can navigate through life’s challenges with more ease and confidence. It is a skill we can learn to make life more manageable.

Resilience, the last pillar is where we learn from setbacks and view them as growth opportunities. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, trauma, or failure. It’s about being able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going.

As parents and counsellors we not only need to model resiliency skills we also need to let our young people experience failure and learn from it. Resilient individuals are not immune to difficulties, but they can healthily cope with them. They view setbacks as temporary hurdles rather than permanent roadblocks. By fostering resilience, we can enhance our mental strength and improve our capacity to recover from life’s challenges.

Mental strength is not something we’re born with, but something we can cultivate over time. By building self-awareness, maintaining an optimistic outlook, embracing adaptability, and fostering resilience, we can navigate life’s challenges with more confidence. Remember, it’s not about being strong all the time, but about knowing how to tap into your strengths when you need the most.

For more information on mental strength and other related topics, you can also follow us on Facebook by searching for ‘counsellor talk’, and on Instagram at @counsellortalkcanada. What pillar of mental strength would you add?

Seeing Life Differently: Never Take Life or Your Vision for Granted

Life is complex for most people. If you are fortunate and grateful to reach my age you never take life or anything for granted. You live, truly live life to the best of your ability.

Seeing Change as an Adventure

When I first started having vision issues, I felt like I was stumbling through a foggy maze. It was scary, frustrating, and honestly, pretty overwhelming. I remember coming back from the ophthalmologist and thinking if I eventually need a seeing-eye dog, so be it. The reality of that is something different.

Over time, I realized that this new chapter wasn’t the end of my story—it was just a plot twist. Embracing change is what I attempt to do on a daily basis. I have keratoconus – specifically pellucid marginal degeneration. I also have herpes eye disease , and cataracts and have had posterior vitreous detachments in both eyes (very common in those of us past 60 years of age).

I wear sclerals which have been life-changing for me, glasses do not work anymore (except for readers). I will eventually need a corneal transplant, but for now, if the eye herpes stays at bay my corneas will be ok.

What Has Helped Me

I have always had an optimistic mindset, so that has helped tremendously, but connecting with others who also have the same eye condition has really helped. I belong to an online support group for keratoconus and have a good friend with the exact same eye condition. You are not alone. It seems there is a support group for almost every condition out there. Of course, having a great optometrist and an ophthalmologist helps. I am fortunate to have both of those.

Be My Eyes  Be My AI

If you haven’t heard of it, the BE MY EYES app, Be My AI is a must.

As an optimist, I am hopeful that technology will help us live our best life. 

Who knows what is next? We live in a different world than we did ten years ago. Hope is what keeps me going every day. If you know of any great resources that can assist people who are blind or have low vision feel free to share them.

Lean on Your People

Here’s the thing: you don’t have to go through this journey alone. Seriously, reach out to your friends, your family, and those who get you. As a psychologist, I know it is a strength to reach out. We all need support at some time in our lives.

It’s amazing how much love and support you’ll find when you let people in.

Finding Silver Linings

Okay, let’s keep it real. Losing your sight sucks. There’s no sugarcoating it. But you know what? Even in the darkest moments, there’s a flicker of light. Maybe it’s finally learning to slow down and savor life’s simple pleasures. Or discovering a newfound appreciation for the beauty of sound, touch, and smell. It’s all about finding those silver linings and holding onto them for dear life. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but if you take each day and savour as many moments as possible, it makes life easier.

Losing your sight might feel like the end of the world for you, and no one truly understands unless they have been through it in some form or another, but trust me, you can cope and live a fulfilling life no matter what life throws at you.

I am so grateful that I wake up each day and can embrace the good around me and hope you too can connect with others that help make life better. 

So as you navigate the twists and turns of life, seize as many moments as possible, love those around you, spend as much time with friends and family that lift you up as you can and never take your life or your vision for granted.

Performance Anxiety

We feel so lucky to work with talented youth, like the Young Canadians of the Calgary Stampede. Their dedication and creativity are awe-inspiring, and we’re grateful for the opportunity to share their tips and experiences with you!

Performance anxiety is a personal experience that can range from minor jitters to overwhelming nerves. Here are some ideas we believe can help:

  1. Confront Negativity: Recognize and address any negative thoughts or perceptions about performing. Accept the need for change and work on these one at a time.
  2. Cultivate Confidence: Believe in your unique gift and your purpose in performing. Slow, deep breathing, like square breathing, can help keep you centered.
  3. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Shift your inner dialogue from “I can’t” to “I can.”
  4. Stay Engaged: Focus on the music or your performance rather than potential mistakes.
  5. Embrace Excitement: A mindset of excitement can actually enhance your performance. Let those butterflies work for you!
  6. Progress Takes Time: Remember the 10,000-hour rule. It takes time to master your craft, so be patient and kind to yourself.
  7. Rest Well: Prioritize rest before and during performances. It makes a significant difference.
  8. Stay Positive: Keep a hopeful mindset.
  9. Visualize Success: See yourself as a star performing flawlessly.
  10. Be Authentic: Journal your fears and stay true to yourself.
  11. Stick to Routines: Consistency can offer comfort and help ease anxiety.
  12. Normalize Anxiety: You’re not alone. Chat with a friend to share strategies and support.
  13. Embrace Imperfection: Perfection isn’t the goal—focus on your growth and journey.
  14. Practice in Front of Trusted People: This can help you build confidence and comfort.
  15. Quiet Your Mind: Find techniques to help you stay present in the moment.
  16. Shift Your Focus: Concentrate on the impact you can make for your audience instead of focusing on your nerves.
  17. Ditch “Shoulds”: Replace pressure with calming and reassuring thoughts.
  18. Reframe Your Mindset: Swap self-doubt with confidence-boosting affirmations.
  19. Mindset Matters: Remember, performance anxiety can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Challenge the “what ifs” and focus on the positives.
  20. Let Go of the Spotlight Effect: Realize that people may not be watching you as closely as you think.
  21. Change Your “What-Ifs”: Transform negative “what-ifs” into empowering “what-ifs.”

The Young Canadians offered a treasure trove of advice, such as:

  • Always be Positive, Affirmations Help, Anxiety is Really Excitement, Ask For Help, Address what’s making you stressed, Agree with your body, Assertive mindset, Act Kind.
  • Be Prepared, Breathe, Be Brave, Be The Best Version Of Yourself.
  • Calm Your Nerves, Confidence, Concentrate, Care for Yourself.
  • Don’t be Negative, Deep Breaths, Determination, Demolish Those Negative Thoughts.
  • Express Your Emotions, Eat Healthy, Engage Your Mind.
  • Fight Your Demons, Faith, Find A Distraction, Friends are There For You, Fear is OK, Finish What You Started.
  • Give It Your All, Get a Friend, Go For It! Growth Mindset.
  • Have a Calming Ritual, Have Fun! Hug a Friend, Hydrate.
  • Ignite Your Passion, Include Each Other, I Can Control Myself, Invest in Relationships, Imagine Success, Immerse Yourself, Inspire Others.
  • Just Be “John”, Just Do Your Best.
  • Kindness To Others, Keep Dancing, Singing, Playing, Keep Relaxing, Keep Focused.
  • Live, Love, Laugh, Love yourself, Lead The Way, Leave Anxiety Behind, Left Brain Shut-off.
  • Make Sure You Have Your Shoes, Meditate.
  • Never Back Down, No Fear: “The Young Canadians Are Here!” No over-thinking!
  • Optimistic Outlook, Open Mind.
  • Push Your Limits and Patience, Picture Everyone As People You Love, Prepare To Perform, Positive Mind and Thoughts.
  • Quit Quitting, Quiet Space, Quiz Yourself on Choreo
  • Respect Yourself and Others, Relax.
  • Sing, Dance, Play Your Heart Out, Snack so you won’t be Hangry! Shake it Off!, Sleep Well.
  • Trust Yourself, Trust The Process, Take A Walk, Talk To Someone You Trust, Take a Hot Minute.
  • U-have to Calm Down, U are Special, Use Tips and Tricks, U can do it! Uplift Each Other.
  • Victory is Yours, Voice Your Emotions, Veto Bad Thoughts.
  • We Love You, Work, Walk It Out, Warm Up.
  •  X-hale, X out Your Stress, X out Negative Thoughts.
  • You Got This, You Are Good Enough, YOLO Mindset.
  • Zero Fear, Get Your ZZZs (sleep), Zen Time, Zero Regrets.

Remember, when it comes to performance anxiety, you’ve got the tools! Believe in yourself and your abilities. Reach out if it becomes too tough. The next time you perform, use the tips that work for you to transform your own anxiety into excitement changing performance anxiety into a friend rather than a foe!

Helen MacKinnon and Susan Spellman Cann