Pillars of Mental Strength

In life, we often encounter ups and downs that can challenge our mental fortitude. It is during these times that our mental strength comes into play. The ability to navigate through life’s challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and stay focused on our goals isn’t always easy.

It’s not about ignoring feelings or suppressing emotions, but about developing a helpful set of skills and attitudes that can help us manage our thoughts, regulate our emotions, and behave productively even in the face of adversity.

Four key pillars of mental strength that could be helpful to you are self-awareness, optimism, adaptability, and resilience.

Self-awareness involves understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. It means being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and how they might be affecting your life. We could all use a little self-awareness and reflection. Journaling is one way to become more self-aware and our book, Counsellor Talk offers you an opportunity to dig deep and explore your thoughts and feelings. Self-awareness is the first step in building mental strength because, without this awareness, it’s difficult to identify areas of improvement. When we understand our strengths, we can leverage them to our advantage. Staying focused on our strengths is so important. When we understand our weaknesses, we can work on improving them. When we understand our triggers, we can develop strategies to manage them.

Optimism, the second pillar involves maintaining a hopeful outlook even in challenging situations. Optimism doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of your situation, but rather choosing to focus on the most hopeful aspects. It’s about expecting the best possible outcome and viewing the glass as half full rather than half empty. I believe there are some genetic aspects to optimism, however it is a skill that can be learned. Research shows that optimistic individuals are more likely to persevere in the face of adversity, have better health outcomes, and live longer lives. By developing a positive mindset, we can enhance our overall well-being.

Adaptability, the third pillar of mental strength means being able to embrace change and adjust strategies when needed. Life is definitely unpredictable and the ability to adapt to new situations or changes is crucial in building mental strength. Adaptable individuals can adjust their thinking and behaviour to meet the demands of different situations. They are open to new ideas, willing to take risks, and able to learn from their experiences. By being adaptable, we can navigate through life’s challenges with more ease and confidence. It is a skill we can learn to make life more manageable.

Resilience, the last pillar is where we learn from setbacks and view them as growth opportunities. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, trauma, or failure. It’s about being able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going.

As parents and counsellors we not only need to model resiliency skills we also need to let our young people experience failure and learn from it. Resilient individuals are not immune to difficulties, but they can healthily cope with them. They view setbacks as temporary hurdles rather than permanent roadblocks. By fostering resilience, we can enhance our mental strength and improve our capacity to recover from life’s challenges.

Mental strength is not something we’re born with, but something we can cultivate over time. By building self-awareness, maintaining an optimistic outlook, embracing adaptability, and fostering resilience, we can navigate life’s challenges with more confidence. Remember, it’s not about being strong all the time, but about knowing how to tap into your strengths when you need the most.

For more information on mental strength and other related topics, you can also follow us on Facebook by searching for ‘counsellor talk’, and on Instagram at @counsellortalkcanada. What pillar of mental strength would you add?

Performance Anxiety

We feel so lucky to work with talented youth, like the Young Canadians of the Calgary Stampede. Their dedication and creativity are awe-inspiring, and we’re grateful for the opportunity to share their tips and experiences with you!

Performance anxiety is a personal experience that can range from minor jitters to overwhelming nerves. Here are some ideas we believe can help:

  1. Confront Negativity: Recognize and address any negative thoughts or perceptions about performing. Accept the need for change and work on these one at a time.
  2. Cultivate Confidence: Believe in your unique gift and your purpose in performing. Slow, deep breathing, like square breathing, can help keep you centered.
  3. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Shift your inner dialogue from “I can’t” to “I can.”
  4. Stay Engaged: Focus on the music or your performance rather than potential mistakes.
  5. Embrace Excitement: A mindset of excitement can actually enhance your performance. Let those butterflies work for you!
  6. Progress Takes Time: Remember the 10,000-hour rule. It takes time to master your craft, so be patient and kind to yourself.
  7. Rest Well: Prioritize rest before and during performances. It makes a significant difference.
  8. Stay Positive: Keep a hopeful mindset.
  9. Visualize Success: See yourself as a star performing flawlessly.
  10. Be Authentic: Journal your fears and stay true to yourself.
  11. Stick to Routines: Consistency can offer comfort and help ease anxiety.
  12. Normalize Anxiety: You’re not alone. Chat with a friend to share strategies and support.
  13. Embrace Imperfection: Perfection isn’t the goal—focus on your growth and journey.
  14. Practice in Front of Trusted People: This can help you build confidence and comfort.
  15. Quiet Your Mind: Find techniques to help you stay present in the moment.
  16. Shift Your Focus: Concentrate on the impact you can make for your audience instead of focusing on your nerves.
  17. Ditch “Shoulds”: Replace pressure with calming and reassuring thoughts.
  18. Reframe Your Mindset: Swap self-doubt with confidence-boosting affirmations.
  19. Mindset Matters: Remember, performance anxiety can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Challenge the “what ifs” and focus on the positives.
  20. Let Go of the Spotlight Effect: Realize that people may not be watching you as closely as you think.
  21. Change Your “What-Ifs”: Transform negative “what-ifs” into empowering “what-ifs.”

The Young Canadians offered a treasure trove of advice, such as:

  • Always be Positive, Affirmations Help, Anxiety is Really Excitement, Ask For Help, Address what’s making you stressed, Agree with your body, Assertive mindset, Act Kind.
  • Be Prepared, Breathe, Be Brave, Be The Best Version Of Yourself.
  • Calm Your Nerves, Confidence, Concentrate, Care for Yourself.
  • Don’t be Negative, Deep Breaths, Determination, Demolish Those Negative Thoughts.
  • Express Your Emotions, Eat Healthy, Engage Your Mind.
  • Fight Your Demons, Faith, Find A Distraction, Friends are There For You, Fear is OK, Finish What You Started.
  • Give It Your All, Get a Friend, Go For It! Growth Mindset.
  • Have a Calming Ritual, Have Fun! Hug a Friend, Hydrate.
  • Ignite Your Passion, Include Each Other, I Can Control Myself, Invest in Relationships, Imagine Success, Immerse Yourself, Inspire Others.
  • Just Be “John”, Just Do Your Best.
  • Kindness To Others, Keep Dancing, Singing, Playing, Keep Relaxing, Keep Focused.
  • Live, Love, Laugh, Love yourself, Lead The Way, Leave Anxiety Behind, Left Brain Shut-off.
  • Make Sure You Have Your Shoes, Meditate.
  • Never Back Down, No Fear: “The Young Canadians Are Here!” No over-thinking!
  • Optimistic Outlook, Open Mind.
  • Push Your Limits and Patience, Picture Everyone As People You Love, Prepare To Perform, Positive Mind and Thoughts.
  • Quit Quitting, Quiet Space, Quiz Yourself on Choreo
  • Respect Yourself and Others, Relax.
  • Sing, Dance, Play Your Heart Out, Snack so you won’t be Hangry! Shake it Off!, Sleep Well.
  • Trust Yourself, Trust The Process, Take A Walk, Talk To Someone You Trust, Take a Hot Minute.
  • U-have to Calm Down, U are Special, Use Tips and Tricks, U can do it! Uplift Each Other.
  • Victory is Yours, Voice Your Emotions, Veto Bad Thoughts.
  • We Love You, Work, Walk It Out, Warm Up.
  •  X-hale, X out Your Stress, X out Negative Thoughts.
  • You Got This, You Are Good Enough, YOLO Mindset.
  • Zero Fear, Get Your ZZZs (sleep), Zen Time, Zero Regrets.

Remember, when it comes to performance anxiety, you’ve got the tools! Believe in yourself and your abilities. Reach out if it becomes too tough. The next time you perform, use the tips that work for you to transform your own anxiety into excitement changing performance anxiety into a friend rather than a foe!

Helen MacKinnon and Susan Spellman Cann

Start Each Day

As a counsellor the way you begin your day can impact you and others around you. So beginning your day by being good to yourself is a great way to start your day. Ease into your day if you can by getting to work a little early. Take time to listen to positive podcasts, nice music or just turn the radio off and be quiet on your drive to work. Whatever works for you.

Make sure you take time for lunch. Get out of your office and eat with colleagues or go for a walk, I can’t stress how important this is. This is essential for your self care, so just do it! After your crazy busy day and I know you had one, take time to just breathe and wrap up your day by listening to music while you write your notes and prepare for your next work day. I’m interested to know how do you start each day?

Aim For Improving Lives

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As a School Counsellor you have many roles to play and from personal experience I know sometimes we get caught up in all the daily things that need to get done . So just for today why not aim for improving the lives of your students and better yet why not look for ways to improve your own life. Amy Fast @fastcrayon says , “we don’t do what we do in schools to get good results/ data. We do what we do to improve the lives of humans. Good academic results are the byproduct. If we only aim for data, we may not succeed in improving lives. But , if we aim for improving lives the data will always follow

First let me start with a few questions.

  • What are ways you feel hopeful that you can improve the lives of your students and instil hope?
  • How do you help those that are struggling academically, socially or emotionally?
  • How do you educate the mind and the heart?
  • How do help students love learning and life ?
  • How do you help students live positively as a good citizen in their community and in the world?
  • How do you build healthy meaningful relationships with students and help them to do the same?
  • How do you help students feel a sense of belonging?
  • How do you assist students in finding their purpose and passion?
  • How do you help students make better choices?
  • How do you create a spark in a child’s eye so that they can become the people they are meant to be?
  • How can you make a difference in the lives of the students you serve, academically, socially, emotionally , physically and spiritually?
  • How can you collaborate with others to improve the lives of students so that they know how much they matter and can be successful in school and in life?

Reflection makes us all better and in the end it not only helps us improve our own lives, but also the lives of those we work with. Let’s start with you and your worth and then let’s move on to students. How can you improve your own life? :

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If you take good care of yourself you will be better able to assist students in improving their lives. Every day you as a School Counsellor reach out to help make students lives better. Keep doing the amazing work you do every day and keep on reflecting. As a Professional School Counsellor you can and do make an impact and a difference every day in oh so many ways.

It Is Always Helpful to Reflect … Lesson #14 for A New School Counsellor

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Lessons 1-13 are here.

I have been very fortunate to work with and supervise great school counsellors. They teach me and I teach them. One tool that never gets old is the ability to reflect and Marc shares a few of his reflections on my blog. I know that he will have his own blog someday soon as he finishes up his Counselling degree. Listen as this new school counsellor reflects on his practice.

End of Semester Reflection

At this point in the semester, I am impressed at how much learning I have done and how much I have grown as a professional since the beginning of September. I would not have believed it if someone had told me before this semester how many situations and clients I would have worked with and survived. I am impressed with my ability to self-care, and how I am able to regulate my emotional responses. I have experienced anxiety and stress, but I am coping, as I am able to collaborate with my supervisor, reflect with classmates, and engage in my own healing activities. I actually feel less like an imposter and more like I belong in the profession.

However, despite my progress, I’m still aware of how far I have to go. I am still working on developing a conceptual map with each client, determining which theoretical models to add to my toolbox, and what actions I should take in given situations. More than anything, I still have work to do developing the instincts and comfort level required of experienced counsellors. I still make mistakes, and I am still very self-critical. I’ve hesitated, misjudged situations, and lost track of sessions. I still need to work on using my time with clients efficiently and purposefully. I’m optimistic – I’m working on improving, and have faith in my ability to grow. As long as I keep reflecting and pushing myself as a professional, I should improve.

Dual Relationships

This week’s focus on ethics drew attention to some interesting issues at my practicum site.

First, there are the concerns created by the dual roles school counsellors often are given. In schools, counsellors are often given teaching assignments, supervision duties, extracurricular commitments and administrative roles. In some cases, these dual roles can be performed without issue, even adding a positive dimension to the counsellor persona. However, despite this, counsellors still must guard against potential boundary issues, negative impacts upon therapeutic relationships, and confidentiality concerns. At my placement, my role as teacher advisor creates a dual relationship for any student in my ‘TA’ who wants to see me as a counsellor. I must be careful about the nature of my dual relationships with students and be mindful of it in the future.

Second, there are general confidentiality concerns present in schools. Teachers, administrators and parents often want information from counsellors that was given in confidence by students. Apart from cases of abuse or imminent harm, we are bound by our code of ethics to honour the privacy of our clients. That said confidentiality must be balanced by the need to protect our underage clients and by the rights of parents to be informed. This week has been a great start to discussion and reflection for the semester!

Self- Care

Self-care is a topic that all counsellors should have no difficulty reflecting upon, even as it may be easy to overlook. We all are guilty of behaviour that sacrifices our own well-being in favour of client needs, workplace demands, other life commitments, or general poor habits. A novice counsellor like myself is especially vulnerable. I am full of energy, keen to try new ideas, eager to meet the demands of my clients and workplace, and determined to measure up to my ambitious standards. Not only do I lack the experience to determine if my expectations and pace are plausible, but I haven’t had the experience to fully understand as a counsellor how to balance my life and take care of myself. Reminding us of the importance of self-care at this point of our practicum is well timed.

I need to improve my self-care in two different theatres – at work and away from work. At work, I need to take more breaks, leave my office, and connect with more staff. I need to rein in my ambitions and learn to reinforce boundaries and curtail expectations. I need to develop conceptual plans and reflect upon my practice to improve my delivery. I don’t feel overwhelmed at work, but the stress can add up. At home, I need to establish more regular self-care habits. I need to exercise more often and spend more time with friends and family. I enjoy spending time with my daughter, wife and dog, but I could reconnect with friends and family outside my home. I have been putting off certain tasks until I have completed my masters program, buy I need to rediscover hobbies and interests that I enjoy. Further, as illustrated by the ‘I need’ statements throughout, I need to temper my expectations of myself and celebrate my progress and accomplishments.

Hopefully, my career as a counsellor will be a long one. More than anything, I need to be patient.

I love that Marc is so reflective. We discuss his thoughts and concerns and each of us leaves learning something new.

This is a Self- care Haiku Deck that I created this week. In case your having a bad day I suggest you watch this video.